Hate Mail

Here are a few letters I'd like to send...

Dear bugs that bit me while I slept,

F-you. I have three large welts because of you. And one is ON MY FACE. You gross bugs were crawling on my face while I slept and I hate you. These damn bites are painful too. Because of you I look like someone punched me in the forehead. Get the hell out of my bedroom.

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Dear gaggle of pre-teen dancers on the T this morning,

SHUT UP. I do not care that there is a boy dancer to flirt with, and I do not want to hear your insestant giggling. NO ONE is excited that you memorized the boy's dance by watching his class once, nor do we want to see you do it during our morning commute. I am on my way to work and would appreciate a few more minutes of quiet. Next time you're on the train at rush hour, put a ballet slipper in it.

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Dear people who have not yet RSVPed to my wedding,

PLEASE send in your cards. I don't want to be the annoying bride who calls everyone to check in, but I really need to know asap if you're coming or not. I've already stamped those little cards for you, so just fill them out and drop them in the mail box. Please. So I can move ahead with the preparations for my wedding that is SIX WEEKS AWAY. Thanks a bunch.

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TGIF.